Letter to the Editor: Amateur vandalism in Manchester

November 4, 2019

The recent vandalism at Frank’s has me so embarrassed I could cry.

Granted, we’re a small town with somewhat limited resources, but surely we can do better than to get a vandal so inept, so incredibly stupid and inefficient as to leave his/her antler behind? Why not just leave a credit card or cell phone? Even a hoofprint? Why not a business card? One that reads: “CHIPPED ANTLER VANDALISM SERVICE: Crashes, full and partial demolitions, broken flower pots, smashed windows, splintered doors, etc. Call 1-800-00PS-C-DAZEE for free estimates. Fully uninsured. Dissatisfaction guaranteed.”

Does this vandal really think he can’t  be traced? I’d like to think that perhaps a state of inebriation, anxiety, boredom, or simple brain damage is responsible for the sheer clumsiness of the attack but in this day and age, one never knows. Stupidity has a way of becoming epidemic, you know.

Manchester could use a grocery store and a pharmacy and something to replace Pyramid but I’d like to suggest that as a public service and a matter of civic pride, we place vandalism training at or near the top of the community’s priorities. We absolutely must be more careful about the vandals we hire. We deserve vandals with more discretion, who know how to vandalize efficiently without drawing attention to themselves, self-respecting vandals who go about their job with more tidiness, who don’t leave their belongings behind.

I don’t know if there’s such a thing as Vandal On-the-Job Training or where one might go to get it. Perhaps the Village could hire a Master Vandal to give aspiring vandals some training at least to journeyman level so they would know enough not to leave parts of their antlers behind.

If there are fees for training or supplies, perhaps the CRC, one of the churches, or the Lions Club could help. A vandalism training drive somewhere around Christmas might also help.

I don’t know if a license is required to become a professional vandal or if there are different requirements for two-legged vs. four-legged vandals. Perhaps one of the local lawyers could look into that.

In any case, we cannot afford to ignore this threat to our community pride.

MANCHESTER, WE DESERVE BETTER VANDALS!!!

Joan Gaughan
Manchester

by Sara Swanson

Sara Swanson is an editor, writer and a founder of the Manchester Mirror.